listless, lifeless

by ellen dyer

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lyrics

if you can imagine
the frayed, dark purple
of eventide on the brink of
a jackknife into night

perhaps you might see
my twilight
dressed in fleeting
pastel collars

trickle through the thin slants of
window
the longing settles
down along the
creases in my
bones

but i'm listless,
lifeless
walkin long the edge
of a knife’s ledge
dancing red along
the back of my eyelids
in tactile
exhibitions
of places
I want to be

i’ll want you in the morning when
light cuts figurines
fabric twisting under
sleeping limbs

but morning’s glory needs
sunrise to bloom
and all i feel is how the
darkness fills my room

to feel the fluid sequence of
unravel and wither
the steady way
water fills your veins

perhaps you feel the pulse of hours
echoing as years
tenebrous, tenacious,
inevitable evanescence
trickles down their white
throats

but i'm listless,
lifeless
walkin long the edge
of a knife’s ledge
dancing red along
the back of my eyelids
in tactile
exhibitions
of places
I want to be

i've grown used to missing
the hunger of longing
familiar in its restlessness
a tenant in my chest

lonely nights of humming summer
time, i close my tired eyes
to agrimony, amaranth,
a leaf of lupine

wildflower constellations,
to while away the moonless hours
the surface of a bleeding sky
protect our hearts, and fill my mind
with places close to
you

but i'm listless,
lifeless
walkin long the edge
of a knife’s ledge
dancing red along
the back of my eyelids
in tactile
exhibitions
of places
I want to be
where i long to be

i can imagine you
sleeping, still,
i trace the pattern of your breath
the cadence of (unhurried steps)

feeling the way the
sheets groove and furrow
under the weight of our
abandoned sorrows 

resting in the arms that i
thought could never scathe
left to be abandoned by a
sudden breach of faith

i press my hand in yours to watch the
colors of our skin melding
ochre and honey, the most
beautiful painting
my eyes have ever
seen

but i'm listless,
lifeless
walkin long the edge
of a knife’s ledge
dancing red along
the back of my eyelids
in tactile
exhibitions
of places
I want to be

credits

released July 3, 2020
written, performed, and produced by Ellen Dyer

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all rights reserved

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ellen dyer Albuquerque, New Mexico

a goon and a guitar

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